Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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