oh god the rape fog is back!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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