yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
