there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
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Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
is it fun? or sober?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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