I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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