I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
