Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
