I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
