i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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