im drinking this country out of the recession.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
