WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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