the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
