she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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