drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
