My first STD was from a foam party
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
