i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
