Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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