I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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