I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
