All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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