I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
