I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
