Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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