Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
