I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
