giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
