Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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