Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
worst night to have a conscience
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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