She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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