Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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