The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
