I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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