I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
