If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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