btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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