I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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