wakey wakey hands off snakey
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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