he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
