he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My balls are so social today.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
birth control should be required to get into college
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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