I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
