when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
