i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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