I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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