I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
