the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
