I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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