i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
