Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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