This girl is more easily done than said...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
