Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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