i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
