Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
