Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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