I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
