sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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