Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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