You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.