I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.