Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.