Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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