I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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