and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
