I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
