hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
