Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
