In America we eat man semen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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